What should I do with my career? And aggressively speaking, what the fuck my passion is?

I just spent a week sending my resumé in a mass (a.k.a rải CV) to every relevant position of every potential company I saw on every recruitment platform. Received a few calls. It’s so strange that when the HR staff said the name of the company, I always had to rummage around to see what the fucking company I applied for. Then searched around and concluded: Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don’t really want to work there. Three times in a row happened, then I knew I should slow down a little bit rather than force myself to run while I am not ready. Generally, applying for a job is not swiping Tinder, it’s much more serious. (Tbh I was seriously using Tinder for a date though)

I just realize I am always strongly impressed by the person who found his/her passion for life and heartily talks about it. Since I don’t really have it, perhaps, I can’t define my own passion. There were two times I saw real love in what people did, from two persons: Chị Linh and Masi.

The first person is Chị Linh, who is now the owner of a new coffee shop in Hanoi. I first met her when I started my first full-time job and also lost all my interest in life due to the 9-to-5 kind of life. At this time, Chị Linh was the general manager of another specialty coffee shop. My first impression with her was ‘Oh, she never looks tired’. Chị Linh is always energetic, especially when she was talking about how she became a professional barista and how she would pursue her hospitality career. She could spend hours roasting, testing, and discussing the difference of taste among the coffee beans from different countries in the world. The way she passionately talking about coffee inspired the other staff of the service crew, the customers drinking the coffee, and transfer the energy to the whole coffee shop. I’m not a coffee lover I was there many times to see the love from the people somehow, selfishly, find the inspiration for me to do my work better.

The other person is Masi, my flatmate when I was still in Sweden, a university researcher. She’s kind, positive, and much cuter than her actual age. If I hadn’t known her job in advance, I would never think she’s a university teacher. She 34 years old but when you search her name on google, you will find 3 academic books all written by her. Not dry as my perception of a researcher, Masi is a joyful person who always brings out energy whenever we talk. She told me about her career path since she was in university and showed how she loved the work of a researcher. She always leaves the house at 9 am and not comes back until 9 pm. The only day off in the week is Saturday, but she never shows the tiredness of what she is doing.

Is it headache sitting and reading articles for hours? I asked her

For me watching films for 2 hours makes me headache, not reading articles. She replied

In a conversation

Obviously, I would never be like that since I never chose to be a research, but I just reflect upon myself, is there anything I can do for 8-10 hours every day without feeling tired? I couldn’t find it yet.

5-6 years ago, I attended an event launching the book namely “Chuyện của nghề” (Story of careers). The book was written by a team of three young adults in Vietnam. To successfully publish the book, they had to travel around Vietnam for a year to find and have conversations with different people from different walks of life. They had to exchange with the opportunity cost of a full-time job with a salary. The chance was 50:50: if the book couldn’t be published, they gained nothing. The book narrated the career of people, from a perennial cobbler who have a million stories to tell to a freshly graduated music composer who just got the first song supported by audiences. I remembered there were around 20 people in the events with different life stories to tell, some of them have a sound future, while some just had the first step in their career path. I was one of few people having no direction in life, listen to their stories with admiration.

That was the story of the previous six years. Now, I still sitting here, wondering what should I do next?

Vĩnh Phúc, 14 Sep 2020

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